Six Methods to Better Your Dining Experience.
Written By: Tom White
Humans have a long heritage of grouping up and shoveling food down our gullets. All throughout natural history individuals have gathered together to partake in sustenance. It is a primal pleasure, intensified when we can just give someone else 'fun coupons' to prepare the provisions and sit it in front of us sometimes even on a silver platter. Simply stated: eating out can be a tremendous joy. (Cue Beavis and Butthead-esque snickering)
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| Go see Wolf of Wall Street, it's amazing. Then go out to eat! Look, full circle. |
Dining out also can potentially be an ugly-quarrelsome-inelegant-petulant-cantankerous-my thesaurus working OT-motherfucker of a time, at a premium. There are a lot of ins and outs and what have yous that determine how your visit to a local eatery will unfold. Truth is, you, the guest control the vast majority of your feeding house fate. Follow these instructions to the tee, and if you still had a bad experience you will know that its them and not you (not unlike all of my past breakups).
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| I'm not nearly as cool as I'm suggesting. |
1) Have Appropriate Expectations
If you have the coin to consume you also own a tiny computer in your pocket that happens to occasionally make phone calls. Use it for two seconds. Look up the restaurant you would like to give your patronage. It's important to know what to wear. You don't want to break out your sleeveless Git-R-Done flannel, jean shorts and velcro-grandpa shoes if you are indulging in a fine dining establishment. Likewise you wouldn't want to get all dapper to mow down on Chipotle. |
| When it comes to ninja wardrobe Michelangelo is correct. |
Gather as much information as you can. You also need to know if a reservation is a necessity. Also take a peek at the menu, look at the tips on Yelp, the more you know about the place the better prepared you'll be. For example you wouldn't want to be surprised by the hurled insults of Wiener Circle in Chicago or that a menu is written in another language.
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| There are a lot of words here, notice me peppering in pictures to make you giggle? |
2) Set a Budget
Don't get sticker shock. We 99% only have so much expendable cash. So set a budget and stick to it (don't forget to factor in tip!). Full Disclosure: I have worked a number of years in the service industry. I've spent my fair share of time on both sides of the booth. That said: nothing turns smiles to frowns, compliments to complaints, and a good time to bad, faster than seeing a higher than expected bill. This is a very preventable predicament. If you looked at the menu online or Yelp (LIKE I SAID EARLIER! ARE YOU LISTENING NOW?) you'd have an idea of how much lettuce you'd need available. It is super embarrassing to have a card declined or worse yet, not have enough cash on hand to pay a bill. So either save for a special dining occasion at that 5 star chophouse you've heard so much about. Or simply stay within your revenue restrictions, there are oodles of solid greasy spoons out there.
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| Drives me crazy when people misquote movies, but I was too lazy to make my own meme so C'est la vie I guess. |
3) Order Something Different
Ordering a burger or chicken tenders at every single joint you show your face? Come, come now (stop snickering) that is really, really, really gauche. Granted there is a time and place for everything. If you are at a burger dive go for it, hell, add bacon. I'm not suggesting you go to Five Guys and ask for Duck Confit. Rather, if you are trying new places--here's a novel idea--try new things. I'm a solidly midwestern (very) white male that's discovered an enjoyment of French confections, Indian, Thai, Irish, Chinese, German, Japanese, and even some British food. Every culture gets something right, and any dining establishment could have your new favorite meal.
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| Barbie cabbages? I call bull-shit, I'm pretty sure these are brussel sprouts. |
If you are too frightened to try something new as your main course, fine be that way. Maybe try a different soup, salad, appetizer, cocktail, beer, wine, SOMETHING different. As Bill Clinton said, "Variety is the spice of life." Here's a compromise, if nothing else you can't go wrong with dessert. There is literally no such thing as bad dessert.
4) Communicate with Your Server
Keeping with trying new things, if you aren't sure what you would like, ask your server. Tell them what you are in the mood for and the server can point you toward dishes with the appropriate flavor profiles. Think of servers as the concierge to the restaurant, food service is how they keep the lights on. The server can be the key to taking your dining experience to the next level. They can tell you which cocktail, wine or beer pairs best with your food choice. They likely eat from the menu--that you've been blankly staring at--multiple times a week and have experimented with many different combinations. Take into account that it is in your server's best interest to guide you in the right direction whereas you are the one who pays them, the restaurant is barely paying their taxes. Ideally the server-guest relationship should be a mutually beneficial one. The guest comes in looking for a good night, dining experience, or just a solid meal. The server then delivers that and is rewarded with an appropriate tip.
NOTE: If the server only recommends the most expensive items, they may be a little disingenuous and trying to rack up the bill thus--in theory-- getting a larger tip. Bear in mind, often times the better dishes cost a little more. But keep an eye out for hard selling of literally the most expensive item.
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| While sales is part of the servers job, it's not everything. Most are genuine good people. |
5) Want Good Customer Service? Be a Good Customer.
Jesus, John Lennon, Mark Twain or Buddha once said "You get what you put in." This applies to dining out. Be patient, kind and gracious. Attitude goes a long way toward enjoying your experience in a restaurant both for your own psyche and any employee interactions you have. Remember the worry of a money grabbing server? That almost NEVER happens if you are simply a good dude. There is nothing wrong with voicing displeasure. If something goes wrong by all means tell your server or a manager. They will correct it, and more than likely it will be free for your troubles. Under no circumstances should you make a scene. Never forget that you are a guest in someone's place of business.
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| I SAID.... I HAVE A GOD DAMNED GLUTEN ALLERGY!!! |
6) Become a Regular Somewhere.
How do you become a good regular? Find a place you like a lot, can afford to go to at least once a month, tip fat (even a buck or two above 20% is memorable) and be conversational. Remember all I've taught you grasshopper--apply these lessons. By the second or third visit, the staff will start to remember you. People in the service industry are very willing to find ways to scratch the back of their regulars. It's little things, sometimes it's a bigger portion of mashed potatoes. Sometimes an extra drink somehow finds its way to your table. Maybe a coupon is held on to for you to use. Often industry people have second jobs and can get you a real estate deal, concert tickets, a girl scout cookie hookup, or even a new job for you. Moreover what's most rewarding is the feeling of a real and lasting human connection with a former stranger.
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| Yeah, after all that, I ended on a sappy note and a 'Cheers' photo, get over it. |
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