Divine Intervention

I am from Kansas City (by the way, when someone says they are from Kansas City, they mean Missouri not Kansas--no one admits to being from Kansas City, Kansas). I am 28 years old, and I root for the Royals, Chiefs, and Mizzou. If you have access to Google, then you know that for as long as I have been alive my teams have been impotent (occasionally premature ejection from the playoffs). This year started to look as if it was going to be different. It wouldn't be the blue pill, but rather the "boys in blue" who would make the city's sports fandom virile again. Unfortunately, just as it looked like one of my teams was going to get over that Olympus Mons sized hill--the other shoe dropped--something with which fans of these three teams have become far too familiar.

The worst part isn't that my teams fail, as much as it is the manner in which they fail. To be clear, I am not wanting to just simply bitch about how much the teams I cheer for lose--I will leave that to St. Louis Rams fans and the citizens of Cleveland.  I'm talking about losing a historic amount of games like the Royals did in '04--after the franchise's first winning season the previous year. I'm talking about the all-time ineptness of the two win and fourteen loss 2012 Kansas City Chiefs--the 2 fewer wins by the completely defeated '08 Lions are trumped by the Jovan Belcher concluding his murder-suicide at Arrowhead Stadium. I am talking about the "Fifth Down" and "Flea Kicker"--games so egregious that they were titled by the national media (Cf. "The Catch" or "Music City Miracle").

An upset Mizzou fan's voicemail perfectly articulates the point I'm trying to convey in the paragraph above and could have been said by a fan of any of the three teams: 

"Fuck! I mean really? Really? Should we expect anything fucking less than the absolute worst luck in the world. The worst refs--IN THE WORLD. The worst calls--IN THE WORLD. The worst bowls--IN THE WORLD. The worst fuckin' seed in the tournament--IN THE WORLD.

"We're Missouri fans, dude. We're Tigers. We are destined to continue to fucking fail and be disappointed, year, after year, after year. That's who we are--PERIOD! Fuckin' look at he history. Some Missouri alumni or something, back in the long motherfucking time ago, made somebody very very angry. And, I think that somebody's the Lord. It's just not happening for the Tigers, man. Not happenin'. Love ya, bye." Transcript courtesy of my ear.